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Parrot Jokes
Thanks for posting this funny pigeon, George!
A joke
from George:
A man took his
bird to the avian vet because it had been sick. The vet said, "I
have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your bird has chirpees.
The good news is, it's tweetable."
A young
magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot
would always give away the tricks saying things like, "he has a card
up his sleeve" or "he has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves
alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking
at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay,
I give up. What did you do with the ship?"
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot.
He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept
on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the
fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to
the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to
have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do
you think kept bidding against you?"
How do
you know you are haunted by a parrot?
He keeps saying "Oooooo's a pretty boy then?"
HOW
TO STUFF YOUR PARROT ON THANKSGIVING
Ingredients:
Turkey
Stuffing
Sweet Potatoes
Mashed Potatoes with Gravy
Green Beans
Cranberry Sauce
Hot rolls and Butter
Relish tray
Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream
Hot Coffee
Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee. It's going to
be a long day, so place your Parrot on a perch nearby to keep you company
while you prepare the meal.
Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
Prepare stuffing, and remove Parrot from edge of stuffing bowl and return
him to perch.
Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, and remove Parrot from
edge of pan and return him to perch. Have another cup of coffee to steady
your nerves.
Remove Parrot's head from turkey cavity and return him to perch, and restuff
the turkey.
Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as much so that you'll
have a regular size serving after the Parrot has eaten his fill. Remove
Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries accidentally flung to the floor
by Parrot.
Peel potatoes, remove Parrot from edge of potato bowl and return him to
perch.
Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown sugar & mini
marshmallows. Remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch.
Replace missing marshmallows.
Brew another pot of coffee. While it is brewing, clean up the torn filter.
Pry coffee bean from Parrot beak. Have another cup of coffee & remove
Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
When
time to serve the meal:
Place roasted turkey on a large platter, and cover beak marks with strategically
placed sprigs of parsley.
Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, rewhip at last minute to conceal beak marks and claw prints.
Place pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as there's no way to hide the areas of missing marshmallows.
Put
rolls in decorative basket, remove Parrot from side of basket and return
him to perch.
Remove beaked rolls, serve what's left.
Set a stick of butter out on the counter to soften - think better and
return it to the refrigerator.
Wipe down counter to remove mashed potato claw tracks. Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
Cut the
pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream off Parrot's beak and place
large dollops of remaining whipped cream on pie slices.
Whole slices are then served to guests, beaked-out portions should be
reserved for host & hostess.
Place Parrot inside cage &l ock the door.
Sit down to a nice relaxing dinner with your family - accompanied by plaintive
cries of "WANT DINNER!" from the other room.
And have
a happy Thanksgiving!
Pirate
Joke (it doesn't have a parrot in it, but I think it is funny):
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man
who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven
seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain
Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt."
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and while wearing the bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again they vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain: "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a man's manly man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and, without fear, turned, and calmly shouted: "Get me my brown pants."
And we end with a little visual humor.
|
Okay,
there is no parrot in the picture, but it so cracks me up!!
It looks like the pig is saying something profound and the hen and goat are listening with such intellegence and understanding. |
